Tired of Earthly Toast? Upgrade to MartianToast 3000!

The Future of Precision Bread Transformation Technology

NEW!

Featuring Revolutionary Quantum Toasting Technology™

BEST VIEWED IN Internet Explorer 6

UNITS SOLD: 0 5 6 0 7

Experience breakfast like never before with the revolutionary MartianToast 3000! Using cutting-edge (and slightly unstable) technology direct from the Red Planet, this isn't just a toaster... it's an adventure! Forget boring brown bread, prepare for toast that defies expectations (and sometimes physics). Features our patented Anti-Gravity Crumb Tray™!

Unbelievable Features!

Discover the Alien Technology Inside!

Red Sand Heating Elements

Utilizes refined Martian regolith for supposedly superior, yet slightly radioactive, heat distribution. Warning: May cause slight temporal displacement.

Anti-Gravity Crumb Tray™

Crumbs don't fall down, they just hover menacingly until manually removed with included magnetic tongs. Diagram pending approval from Martian High Command.

Phased Plasma Browning Control

Offers settings from "Slightly Singed" to "Carbonized Anomaly". Accuracy is... variable. Use at your own risk.

Interplanetary Communication Array

Occasionally broadcasts toast preferences back to Mars. Privacy policy available in Martian Standard Tongue only.

What Earthlings Say!

Don't Just Take Our Word For It! (Results May Vary)

"My toast now arrives 5 minutes *before* I put the bread in! Thanks, MartianToast!"

"The anti-gravity crumb tray saved my marriage! And my carpet!"

"I think... I think it gave my cat superpowers? 5 stars!"

Order Your MartianToast 3000 Today!

Get Ready for Extraterrestrial Toast! (Shipping from Mars may take 6-8 Earth minutes)

40% OFF

$1,333.33 (3,999.99 ₢) $799.99 (2,399.97 ₢) + 1 Small Moon Rock

LIMITED TIME OFFER!

• Free Martian-English Dictionary
• Interplanetary 5-Year Warranty
• Anti-Gravity Crumb Tray Included

* ₢ = Martian Credits, official currency of Mars colonies

Frequently Asked Questions

Your Burning Questions Answered (Maybe)

Q: Is it safe?

A: Define "safe". Our Martian engineers assure us the radiation levels are *mostly* within acceptable limits for short-term exposure.

Q: Where do I get Martian Power Converters?

A: Currently backordered. Try bartering with a passing asteroid miner.

Q: Will it summon Martian overlords?

A: Please consult warranty section 7b, subsection Gamma-9 (written in Martian hieroglyphs).

Q: Does it work with bagels?

A: Bagel compatibility pending results from dimensional rift analysis.

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